Regrets of the Dying

I think we all need to stop and smell the roses every once in a while:

http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Motherhood

Is it wrong if I have no inkling whatsoever to become a mother? Christmas time always makes me question my lack of maternal instincts. We always meet up with our family & friends at this time of year, most of whom have little kids attached to their hip (figuratively speaking, but you know what I mean). But I don't ooh & ahh over them like some women I know. Does that make me less of a woman in some way?

Then there's the guilt I feel that my parents will not be grandparents. (Not from me, anyway. My brother could be a different story.) I see their friends becoming grandparents, and I feel sad that I can't (or rather, won't) give them the same opportunity. It brings tears to my eyes. I would LOVE my parents to become grandparents, I just don't want to be the mother of the kids. LOL

And why don't I have any desire to become a mother anyway? Shouldn't it be something innate in all women? I feel like I'm wired incorrectly or something. I know I'm not (wired incorrectly), but sometimes I wonder why I feel the way that I do...

Georgia Rule

Georgia (to Rachel): For a smart girl, you do stupid well.

LOL - B thinks this is so perfect for me, and I totally agree!

Update from the slacker (aka me)

I've been rather slack over the last few months. I've been really busy (who isn't, I know, so poor excuse, I know also), with work, study, and dancing keeping me busy seven days a week.

Surprise surprise, I didn't even make it to the interview stage for the 2009 intake for medicine. I was half expecting the "thanks, but no thanks" letter from them, and unfortunately, I got it. In the form of an email, but the message is still the same. :(

And to tell you the truth, I'm not all that disappointed. I've been doing a lot of soul-searching over the last few months, trying to figure out what it is that I really truly would love to do, and medicine just didn't seem to fit it. I don't think I would get the enjoyment from seeing patient after patient, day in day out, solving their health problems. I may enjoy the relationship building aspect of it, but I'm not much of a hands on person, and that goes hand in hand (more or less) with this career.

What I have come to the conclusion about though is what I really want to do: and that is to work with numbers, spreadsheets, data. But not in finance, as investments and profits of businesses do not interest me in the slightest. I NEVER voluntarily pick up the Australian Financial Review to read for pleasure (also mentioned in my previous post, not surprisingly). I need to work where I can put to better use my highly numerical abilities in a different field.

And I think a scientific field would suit me much better. Psychology, perhaps, or assist in medical studies. Somewhere where I still get to work with data, but in a field that interests me personally.

I have to continue to do my research on how to best move across in to this non-financial arena. But I'm so happy that I've come this far and narrowed down exactly what it is that really gives me that buzz that I've been lacking in my working life so far.

Good moments - when there's no silence

There's this new guy in my team at work who intrigues me. He's one of these rare guys that I actually get along with, who I am quite comfortable with when I am around him. And you know how rare this happens.

Now I say 'quite' comfortable because the really ironic thing is that, because we're both very quiet individuals, when we are actually next to each other, we actually don't have much to say to one another! But the few times when we actually have conversed were really good moments. I could really feel that we were on the same wavelength, and that we both have the same very dry sense of humour. LOL I just wish I knew how to have more of these good conversations, and minimise the number of silent moments...!

I think he feels the same way, because I think he does what I try to do - position ourselves close to the other to strike up a conversation that we know we will both enjoy. But he has the same problem as me in that he doesn't quite know how to start (and continue!) the conversation. :-/ Such a shame. I'm hoping that the more time he's in the team, the more I'll find out about him, and the more chances I'll have to actually strike up a conversation with him!

I'm ok when there's a group of us chatting, but usually the others can carry the conversation along. But it would be nice to just talk to him, and get to know him a little better.

I feel like a teenager all over again.

To be or not to be... with child...

Is it wrong for me not to want children of my own? Am I selfish for not wanting rugrats in my life (apart from Angelica and the gang... LOL)?? I can't imagine being a mother. The idea doesn't repulse me, but it doesn't interest me, either. Is that bad? Does it make me less of a woman for not having (or wanting) children?

I'm running out of time to make up my mind. And I don't know if I'll come to a decision in time.

Tick tock tick tock...

A little self-reflection

I like my voice. I think it can command respect. It's not one of those whiny, shrilly voices that some women have. I just think that I need more confidence in myself to back my voice up. Then I can move up in the world. LOL

Nobel Peace Prize

I was watching Oprah the other day, and she had Dr Muhammad Yunus on her show to talk about the work that he had done, helping millions of people out of poverty in his hometown in Bangladesh. I was amazed and moved by his actions, showing that there are still kind and giving people like him in the world. He didn't start out seeking the Nobel Peace Prize, he just wanted to make a small difference to even just one person for just one day. I am just so inspired by his generosity and humanitarianism. True philanthropy in this ever-greedy world. Congratulations Dr Yunus.

I'm looking for a new job

I think that's reasonable. I'm not particularly keen on staying in my current role. The work isn't all that interesting, I don't feel challenged. Sure the pay is great, but that won't sustain my interest in the long-term. Plus my skills are slowly wasting away, since I'm barely using any of them to do my current job. I've spent about 90% of this week either surfing the net or reading blogs. Rather a waste of my time, if you ask me. I still can't believe that someone is willing to pay me as much as they do for doing very very little work.

In complete contrast to my previous job where I was constantly staying back late, as the work always came in faster than I could get it out. Now, I'm getting paid almost double (about 1.7x more, to be exact) for less work and less stress. Everyone says that's pretty much a dream come true (to get paid more to do less work), and sure, I relished in my newfound freedom when I first started in this job, but now the novelty is really wearing thin.

The problem that I'm faced with is the sheer uncertainty of the med application process. I don't even know if I'll be offered an interview later this year, let alone a place at one of my chosen universities. I may have to suffer through the entire application process again next year. And because of this, what am I supposed to do in my current field? I can't abandon it completely, in the unfortunate chance that med doesn't go through (which is a complete possibility). So I want to continue developing my skills in my current profession.

So let's say I do land a new job, and all is hunky dory. Then the good news arrives (from my point of view, that is!) and I get offered a place at one of the universities. What happens to my new employer? I end up working for them for a few months, and then have to leave again to go back to uni. I don't think that's very fair on any employer to have to go through the entire recruitment process, only to have the successful candidate bail out on you after just a few months.

But say the news on the university front isn't so rosy, and I end up working for at least another 12 months for my new employer while I go through the whole application process again. That ain't so bad for New Employer….

B's opinion is slightly different to mine, though. He thinks that I should stick it out in my current job and wait until I find out whether I am offered a place. He reckons that over the next 18 months, I should put 100% of my energy in to landing myself a medical place, and then if that doesn't work out, then I can re-focus once again on my current field. I only have next year left to give medicine a shot before that 10-year rule kicks in, so he figures why not just focus on getting in while I still have the chance. And save as much as I can now in my well-paid and rather cushy job, before I revert back to being a poor uni student once again.

Perhaps I have the "grass is greener" mentality, expecting that a new job will offer me something more. Am I chasing an elusive dream job that doesn't really exist? And why am I chasing that job in my current field, when perhaps I will have changed to medicine in six months' time?

You know you're Australian when...

And this one I can properly cite my source. :)

Again, oh so true!!

You grew up in Sydney if...

-You've never done bridge climb, and you're never planning on it.

-NIGHTRIDE!

-You went on multiple school camps at Narrabeen

-You haven't been to the zoo, except on a primary school excursion where you threw stuff at the animals. (or alternatively.. zoo? what zoo?)

-You've never seen Kings Cross in daylight.. unless its on your way home. Same goes for Taylor Square and that stretch of grass near the fountain, otherwise known as "Trash Island". And the adjacent fountain, "The Communal Douche"

-A trip to Mt. Druitt warrants a pillow in the car

-You don't like Bondi, but would choose Tamarama, Bronte, or any of the Northern Beaches any day. Maybe not Cronulla if you're anything other than Anglo-Saxon.

-You know that the "Bra Boys" are anything cross-dressers.

-You know what "Glamarama" is actually the name for. And you know why.

-The sight of drag queens does not phase you.

-If the train is expected in ten minutes or less you figure CityRail is having a good day!

-The beauty of the harbour does not surprise you

-Riding the ferry is not for leisure, but a mode of transport.

-However...You don't even use the ferry as a form of transport because its too frickin' slow.

-You know what tzatziki, baklava, hommous, yum-cha, pad thai, dolmades, tabbouleh and pide are and you've eaten all of them.

-You know how to say hello (and possibly some swear words) in at least one language other than English. Most likely Croat/Serb/Bosnian/Macedonian, Greek, Arabic and possibly Indonesian or Chinese.

-You've ever "studied" for exams at the State Library

-You wanted to kick that stupid man dressed in a donkey suit in Pitt St Mall.

-You laugh at or console anyone who's ever lived/had to live/from/been to Canberra.

-You truly think Sydney should be the capital. And rightly so. Furthermore, you grew up in Sydney if you don't give a F**K about the Sydney/Melbourne debate, because unlike Melbournians, we don't feel the need to justify our city's worthiness...we just know it's the shit.

-You see a guy wearing pink, and don't automatically think he's gay

-You know straight men can drink soy lattés, too.

-You treat Baristas like they are your dealer. Coffee is your drug.

-You've heard the following uttered from a dog statue: "Hello my name is Ivan, I was once the dog of the great Queen Victoria........If you toss a coin in I will thank you. Thank you. Woof Woof!" "-

-You NEVER catch the monorail and think it's a useless, expensive-to-catch piece of crap. "Class A" waste of space. After all, it's not an episode of "the Simpsons", is it? ("Monorail....Monorail....MONORAIL!"). Monorail= so 80s

-You know it might be quicker to walk from Central to Circular Quay at any given time than catch a bus down George St or a train

-You know where all the 24-hour drinking establishments are.

-You're scared that when you walk past Town Hall steps at any given time, two dozen emo children are going commit mass suicide, declaring "It's a cruel, cruel world, maaaan"

-You think: what is it with P-Plated Subaru WRXs on George St Friday and Saturday nights. And Industrie shirts with the collars up. Puke.

-Fireworks just don't get you excited anymore. (Come on people, we have them for ANY thing). And just in case anyone is thinking of doubting this fact, here's a short list of the occasions for which the City of Sydney has/ has had fireworks.
-Australia Day (Granted)
-Anzac Day
-NYE (times 2)
-The Sydney Harbour Bridge's birthday
-Queen's Birthday
-ANZAC Day
-When the QE2 departed Sydney Harbour (yay, let's fanfare a bunch of people who could afford $100,000 + for a cruise and spend taxpayers' money doing it!)
-Easter Show last night
and, my all time favourite reason for fireworks,
-The Australian Idol Grand Finale (EVERY YEAR!!!).
-Football Games (mainly Origin or Finales)
If anyone can think of any more occasions, please let me know!

-The Easter Show is something that s only okay to go to until you're 16, and only after that if you're taking your OWN kids.

-You think Showbags at the Show are a waste of money

-It's not called the Underground, the metro, the tube or the subway, but it's just called "the train".

-"God's Country??" What is this, like a Lord of the Rings film or something? Please, Shire, you make us weep with pity.

-You've been to at least one "Big Day Out"

-You drank in Hyde Park, underage,on at least one year of the Mardi Gras.

-You know it's pronounced Circular "Key" not "Kway"

-You hate the State Labor Government, but somehow they still keep getting elected. They promise change; it doesn't come. Then they get re-elected.

-You wear a scarf/gloves/beanie/puffer jacket when the temperature hits below 18 degrees.

-You've accepted the (annoying) rule that no thongs are allowed to be worn into clubs. But you'll always try to sneak in anyway. Or beg.

-You have just accepted that all bouncers are pricks.

-You laugh when people say they're from "The Shire"

-You think people from "The Shire" are inbred, parochial freaks.

-You know what I mean when I say "The Shire"

-You say "Wog" and don't think of it as derogatory. And neither do the wogs around whom you say it.

-If you live in the Western suburbs, a night out in the City is a big deal. So much so, that you're forced to get a HOTEL room in which to stay the night...hahaha.

-If you live in the City, you'd never go into the suburbs.

-The word "Westie" is used as an insult.

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I copied this from Facebook, but I can't seem to find the page any more so I can't properly credit the author. Sorry. :(

But it's so true!! :D

Day 14

btw, I have worked 14 days straight now. Today was Day 14. And thankfully, tomorrow is my one day off!!! I can't believe how thankful I am for having this one day to myself! The past few weeks has really made me appreciate my weekends.

Type A Personality

I've read in a few med student blogs now about how the med students (including the bloggers themselves) are all Type A Personalities. So I've started to wonder if I am also a Type A Personality, and whether I will therefore fit the description of a typical med student.

I found this quick quiz to help me figure it out.

On a scale of 0 (Totally Type B) - 100 (Totally Type A), I scored a 44, and this was the brief description offered:

"You seem to be in the middle between the Type A and Type B personality. In this case, the middle ground is good. Your attitude to life is more of the "smell the roses" kind and you know how and when to relax. Nonetheless, you realize that picking up a challenge and competing a little bit for your place in the sun can add some spice to your life. The equilibrium is important, so don't let your hostile, aggressive, and competitive alter ego take over too often. Generally, you are easy to be around, and people tend to feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Yours is a very healthy attitude towards life."

Woohoo! I'm a balanced individual! But will that therefore make me a poor fit in the med student world...??

Self-Doubt

I'm starting to have doubts as to whether I really want to study medicine. My current concerns:

1. I'm the biggest procrastinator. I'm going to have to fight that big time if I'm going to study med. It's a course in which I definitely cannot leave my studying until the final few weeks before the exam.

2. It's a tough course. It sounds like my life is going to consist of only studying and sleeping for months on end. Do I really want to sacrifice all my time in this way?

3. Am I smart enough? I'm going to be surrounded by all these highly intelligent people. Can I even keep up, without having to spend 18 hours a day studying? Or would I have to be studying 18 hours a day anyway, even if I was the smartest person in the course??

4. My age. I'm older now, my ability to absorb new information takes a little longer than it used to.... I may have to study the 18 hours a day anyway just to keep up with the 20-year olds that will be studying with me.... Then there's the other aspect of not being able to practise medicine for as long as some of these kids. Granted, I'll still get 25+ years even if I graduated from uni at 40 years of age. But that still won't stop me from dwelling on my age... :)

5. I'll be a poor uni student again. For four years. And let's face it, it'll be a few years after graduation before I even start making the same amount of money that I do now. This is the financial sacrifice.

6. Lifestyle. Stemming partly from 5., I've grown accustomed to a number of things in my life - the time and money for dance lessons, the time to watch as much tv as I currently do, having discretionary money to buy almost anything that I want... Am I willing to sacrifice all this as well?

7. Is it really the course for me? Would I truly enjoy it as a career? Is my personality suited to medicine?

Or maybe these doubts are only coming out now because I know that the GAMSAT results are going to be released very very shortly, and my goal of obtaining a place as a med student may be that one step closer in just a few weeks, which will turn my life as I currently know it upside down....

Pet Peeves

1. People who don't offer their seat to the elderly on buses.
2. People who fumble for their wallet when boarding the bus, knowing full well that they have to pay the bus driver as soon as they board.
3. People who don't move down the bus when it's full, and there are obviously passengers waiting (trying!) to get on.
4. People who walk at exactly the same pace as me so I can't overtake or pull back.
5. People in customer service roles who do not possess any customer service skills.
6. Nosey people.
7. Arrogant people.
8. Rude people.
9. Exploitation of workers in third-world countries.
10. People who sit on the aisle side of the seat on a bus (or place their bag next to them), when there are clearly no other available seats for the standing passengers.
11. People using their umbrellas as parasols on a clear, sunny day. It's a freaking umbrella, there's no rain, so put it away! If you want to shield yourself from the sun's harmful rays, buy yourself a good pair of sunnies and a hat, and slap on some 30+ sunblock! Or buy a PARASOL!
12. When four buses all going the same route show up one after another (so three of the four buses are virtually empty); while other bus routes are denied extra buses, so passengers on these other bus routes must make do squeezing in on the existing buses on offer, resulting in jam-packed buses during peak hour, with many missing out on a spot on the bus and are forced to wait 20+ minutes for the next one.

AHHHHH.... It's nice to have a place to vent my frustrations!!!